First of all, I still can't believe all of this happened. From the evening of the crash, I have wanted to say goodbye. I sort of expected Chuck to come home so we could say goodbye. We didn't get to see the body until after the funeral home had a go with painting him that strange color. I feel disconnected from the accident. We didn't know he'd died until hours later. However, all kinds of people who didn't know him were on the scene. I wish that Zoe and I had seen his bicycle when we were at the scene. Maybe, just maybe, we would have been able to go to UMC if we had known about the crash before we got home.
I had a feeling that Chuck's death would hit me later. Partly because of all the decisions that had to be made, putting all the affairs in order. But, also because he was gone a lot and I adjusted to living on my own. Chuck was never away 6 months, so now I am really missing him. I am also coming to grips with being alone. I find I am needing to cry a lot more, and that the tears do come.
The bicycle memorial has helped. We buried Chuck, according to his wishes, at the Air Force Academy. However, that left us with a 14 hour drive to his memorial. I wanted and needed a place to go to. I can see it most days that I go out. I makes me feel that Chuck isn't forgotten.